What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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