So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
