how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
