They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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