Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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