Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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