i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
