I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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