I puked a lego.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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