The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
