I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
