Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
