Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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