We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I cockslap morals
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
