i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
