There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
