so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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