He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
