I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
