Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
