There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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