I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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