There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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