we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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