you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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