we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
