yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
