out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
