oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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