I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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