Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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