super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
