So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
