Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She told me I should be a condom model.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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