u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
