Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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