Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
