Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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