Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
