I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
