the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
