omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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