so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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