And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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