He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
