Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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