shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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