Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
