My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
