New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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