so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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