My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
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Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
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Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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