I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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