I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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