dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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