Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
