If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
