I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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