I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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