I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
