I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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