On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
