my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
