That reminds me...we need to get swords
She's the barista slut.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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