The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
