I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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